border between life and death
by thymespirit01
Summary: Ichigo x Rukia - He was a drug seller who had nothing to begin with. She was a druggie who had lost everything dear to her. On the brink of death, who would come to save her?
1. Prologue: Don't Walk Along the Border

_AN: Another story, I know and I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but so many more idea's for it came up to me, so I turned it into a short-chaptered chapter story. This one I'll finish sooner, I promise. It should be around..4-5 chapters. _

_Anyways, enjoy!_

_**border between life and death**_

The border between life and death.

What is it exactly?

Some say it's an alternate reality; a place where you can escape to when the world you've always known was shattered into a thousand little pieces. Others say it's a place where you go before you die, the moment of peace before you enter the afterlife, it be heaven or hell.

But most say it's a place for redemption. A place where you're not alive, yet not dead. So close to death, yet still clinging on to life.

They say the border looks like an endless plain of nothing. But even though It's invisible to the naked eye, you can feel it under your feet. A thin stretch of solidness that went on forever. Forever that is, until you reach paradise.

Sadly, many - too many - fall off before ever reaching there. Whether it be they fall into the afterlife, or back into the living. The living they tried so hard to escape.

Many tread on this fine border, the sick, the arrogant, or the depressed.

The sick don't want to be there. To them, the border was like a tightrope. The smallest trip up could send them in the wrong direction. Safely on one side would have meant a lifetime of happiness. They fear that line. But it is not their choice of walking on it, or staying safely on the sidelines.

The arrogant play with it, daring themselves, test to see just how far they could go. As if they wanted to challenge death. To mock it. To prove that a mere border couldn't do anything to them. This was all just a game to them, one they thought they could stop playing when they wanted to. Sadly, that is not the case.

They thought of themselves as such superior species. Yet to other people, they couldn't seem more idiotic.

After all, they were just trying to play God.

There are also people who are just on that thread because they couldn't find enough emotion to care. They were there for a release; an escape from the constant inner pain.

I've… I've treaded that line before. On and off, waking up and falling back in the endless pit of darkness. At first, I was just testing the fates, challenging them. Challenging them to see how far I could walk along that border without dying.

At first, I thought of it as just a rebellion against God. God, who had taken everything I ever loved away from me. My parents, nee-san, Renji and… and him.

Him, who will forever haunt me. Him, who is the only face in my mind while I stride along that border. Him, the one thing that seemed so close, yet always out of reach.

I was on that line, forever chasing after him. He was my paradise.

I was always so close, so close. But it was always the same. I could never reach his open hand, no matter how hard I tried.

After a while, it wasn't just a game anymore. It became an addiction, one with no escape. It had turned into something as natural to me as breathing. I had this stubborn idea stuck in my mind that he would be waiting for me there, in paradise. So everyday, I walked on that line, every time getting just the tiniest bit further into his arms.

Then I almost fell over, into deaths cold embrace. And it was then, I felt the first emotion I had felt since he left me.

Fear.

I was scared of dying. So scared, that for the first time in years there was a twinge in my heart.

I didn't understand, and I still don't. Even though I never admitted it to myself, I knew what I was doing. And I knew I was doing it to die. A slow and painless lapse into the netherworld. That was what I wanted.

So why did I fear death? I should've embraced the feeling; I should've wanted to go further!

But…no. I didn't want to die, not yet. I was too stubborn.

But I couldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried. The thought of being near him again kept me at it; he was my only hope.

The pain I felt hurt too much. Being on that space between the living and the dead eased the pain, if only a little. And that was reason enough to me.

Then on my dark, dark life, there was a tiny ray of light. Almost nonexistent, but there all the same.

I had always known what I was sacrificing.

But he was the one to really make me realize. He was the one to truly make me grasp the meaning of what I was doing. He was the only one to be able to make me regretful.

He made me… he made me feel.

It's just too bad though. I was too far gone. Maybe if he came a little sooner. Maybe if had shaken sense into me earlier.

Maybe if he loved me just a bit more.

…But it's too late for that.

You have to be careful not to trip, on that thin line. That thin line which could easily destroy you of everything you were.

Just how far can you go?

•••

_AN: I know, I was just spewing nonsense there. But hey, I needed to start it somehow x] _

_Please review! _


	2. Laspe into Emptiness

_AN: Writers block, finally got a chapter written and complete! Special thanks to Rachel/x0SilverFeathersx0 for beta-ing~_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Bleach._

**Chapter 1**

**Lapse into Emptiness**

•

"_He had promised her..."_

•

Faraway eyes stared at the beautifully sculpted stone in front of them.

"Hey Kaien…"

She pressed the palm of her hand to the memorial stone. _Can you feel me, Kaien? _Her pale fingers traced his name. All the while as she did, her eyes had a distant, emotionless look in them. The intricate engravings failed to impress.

"It's… been a while, hasn't it. Almost a year." _Almost a year since that fateful day. _

The petite girl grew silent in front of the grave. She then began to stare despondently at lilac petals swaying softly in the cold breeze, at the violet bouquet of fresh, fragrant flowers laying beside numerous others of its kind. Except they were aged, now withered. Memories flashed behind her cloudy amethyst orbs. Unseen adversaries plagued her thoughts. Malicious noises, deaf to all ears except hers, echoed in her mind.

_(Don't I seem psychotic, _she laughed humorlessly in her mind_. They should lock me in an asylum.)_

She couldn't block the horrifying images, the hysterical sounds. She really was living in the past.

"_K…aien. Kaien!"_

"_Ru…kia.."_

"_Kaien… Shh, don't talk. The ambulance is on its way. Hold on."_

"_...T'late…"_

"_No…_no! _They'll heal you! Just, just keep your eyes open okay? You'll be fine… they... the paramedics will help you. Just please… please don't die!"_

"…_I… I guess I really wouldn't get happiness that easily, ne?"_

"_Don't say that… You'll be fine Kaien… they're coming! Can't you hear the sounds? They're almost here... Just hold on a little bit longer!"_

"_I'm sorry…Rukia…"_

"_No… no! Don't leave me Kaien! Please! Don't leave me alone! I love you!- I… I-I need you!"_

"_Don't… cry…Ru…ki…"_

_Silence._

"_**NO!"**_

A single tear slipped from her amaranthine orb, the fog clearing up a bit as she looked at his face. His lips split in a beaming smile, a smile that reached his eyes.

"You know… I just can't seem to forget you," she whispered to the picture, _waiting, _as if she expected a response. But the only thing that responded to her words was an icy wind that bit at her reddened cheeks.

"It's… been a year, but I still expect you to be here, by my side when I'm sleeping. Sometimes…" A humorless chuckle. "Sometimes I turn around, ready to tell you something, before I realize that _you're not there _and that I'm talking to thin air." She took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "There hasn't been one day where you haven't invaded my thoughts. Not one night has passed where you weren't in my dreams."

Droplets streamed down her cheeks as she covered her mouth in a futile attempt to force her croaked sobs back.

"They said… they said the pain would pass with time," she said, voice thick with sorrow. "They said this gut wrenching, heart breaking agony would cease soon. Then why is it that it still hurts, so, _so_ much? Why do I still have nightmares of you _every_ night?_ Why does it still hurt to breathe without you?"_

But only bitter cold winds and silence met her anguished pleas. 

"I can hardly wake up every morning and drag myself out of bed," she whimpered. "Tell me Kaien! How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without you?"

_You could've taken me with you…_

Her knees shook. Her legs couldn't support her weight anymore, and she crashed to the ground, infinite teardrops falling to the grass below her.

"I don't get it Kaien!" Her eyes were shut tight in a desperate attempt to keep her tears at bay. "You were everything to me. I loved you, and yet you denied me of those three little words. Don't you get it? Those words meant everything to me! You could've at least given me that comfort!"

She sobbed into her hands, voice cracking with despair. "Why didn't you tell me? Why? I loved you so much Kaien. I _loved _you," she whispered brokenly. Pale, shaky arms hugged the cold slab of stone, bringing it to her heart. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her body shuddered violently from raw grief. "_...So much…"_

"Why Kaien. _Why didn't you tell me you loved me too?"_

•

"…_and in the end, he denied it."_

_AN: Reviews are love. _


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